Friday, December 17, 2010

Hunting: Misconceptions & Why Aaron Sorkin is a Hypocrite

I am not a fan of Sarah Palin nor do I think she should hold any kind of political office. Also, this post is authored by a former (decade long) vegetarian and vegan.

That said, I believe all the hullabaloo about the recent footage of Palin's moose hunt on her show demonstrates just how little the average urban American understands about hunting. Particularly, writer Aaron Sorkin's rant, In Her Defense, I'm Sure the Moose Had It Coming. 


It's one thing for PETA or vegetarians to bemoan Palin's hunt, but Sorkin is a meat eater! He argues that even though he freely consumes and enjoys meat and uses leather to cloak his chairs or appear fashionable, hunting - and particularly Sarah Palin's latest hunting excursion - is for "faux macho shitheads."


Sorkin is probably perfectly content to peruse the aisles of his choice, upscale supermarket and purchase pre-butchered meat wrapped in lovely styrofoam and plastic containers, shirking the unpleasant thought that his steak used to be an animal. This is the convenient path.


If Sorkin dwelled in a pre-grocery store era - where he would have to hunt, gut and process his meat if he wanted to consume it - he might opt for the vegetarian path after all. Conversely, if he took a tour of one of the factory farms supplying his and most American's meat, he might vomit. 

It's true that there may be some "faux macho shitheads" in the world of hunting (some of whom may be pictured at right), but there are also equally as many in other sectors such as the film industry, which Sorkin illustrates well.


Hunting has gotten a bad rap in many parts of our country - particularly in urban areas. It is important to remember that at the human roots of meat-eating, lies hunting. It is a primordial activity and it is not despicable or criminal, as many who know nothing about hunting might claim. The fact that so many people feel the need to attack this activity demonstrates just how wide a disconnect there is between citizens of the Western world and their food sources.


Call out Palin for her politics, her banal TV show or her vexing voice, but leave her hunting ways alone.


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wikaricatures



Who are the colorful cast of characters fallen prey to the latest megawikileak? 

SILVIO BERLUSCONI













Silvio is the Prime Minister of raging pool-side parties, sodden with grappa and limoncello. Nude and semi-nude soirees are "proper, dignified and elegant."

He wishes he could quit his job and move to the Motherland to be with his best friend Vladimir Putin all day, suiting up and playing round after round of golf.

COLONEL GADDAFI 
 









The lascivious Libyan leader won't leave the house without his curvaceous, blonde nurse from the Ukraine at his side in the event that he should trip on his caftan. 

CRISTINA KIRCHNER
 
  
Hillary Clinton recommends horse tranquilizers to her friend Cristina Kirchner, the President of Argentina, so that she can eliminate stress and lead with a clear head, just like Hillary.  

KIM JONG II

According to China, Kim Jong II is losing his grip on reality and becoming a flabby, Asian version of Veruca Salt. Did this piece of information need leaking or was it already common knowledge?

HOSSEIN GHANBARZADEH VAHEDI 
 
Who? This is the non-sequitor of the leaked cables. 

Vahedi, of Iranian descent, left for the US in 1979 and become a US citizen and dentist.
In 2008, at age 75, he returned to Iran for a visit. Authorities confiscated his passport and he was unable to return. Vahedi believed he was targeted because his sons run a business representing Persian pop singers in LA.


Instead of hunkering down in an Iranian retirement home, Vahedi decided to take matters into his own hands. He found two escorts and a horse to take him on a 14 hour journey over a drug smuggling route over the nippy Zagros Mountains with inappropriate attire all the way to Turkey! At one point, the inexperienced rider tumbled off his mount and into the woods! 

JULIAN ASSANGE
All of these bits of government gossip gallivanting about the globe through cables have now ended up on the internet for all to see. All because of this Aussie, who now wears a halo of gossip himself: will he be tried for espionage? is he really guilty of rape? will he really move to Ecuador? 

It's hard to believe that this isn't odd news, it's the stuff of front pages. It truly is a mad, mad, mad world! 




 















Monday, November 29, 2010

Whip It Good (Odd Dairy)

I first came across alcoholic whipped cream at the counter of my go-to liquor store. "Whipped Lightning" sounds like a gag gift you might buy for a friend at Spencer's. 

But no...Whipped Lightning and several other facetiously branded alcoholic whipped cream products are taking off! Just like Four Loko took off and is rapidly being cut off by governments. Just like any novelty get-you-drunk-from-an-unlikely-source product would take off. And will take off! The buck will not stop at whipped cream.

Here are some other prime products for alcoholization:
  • Heavy whipping cream for an extra kick in holiday egg nog and white russians
  • Naked juice: get drunk and prevent hangovers with vitamin overload simultaneously
  • Surge: bring it back! and make it at least 5%
  • Kombucha: let those alcohol-fostering bacteria flourish
  • Jello: pre-fab shots of alcoholic gelatin at your five & dime
Of course, someone will have to draw the line at spiked soup.


The question of the day is: what happens if you huff the alcoholic whipped cream aerosol can?






 

Friday, November 26, 2010

Whoops or WTF? (Oddwall)

A case of accidental self-immurement has surfaced in Germany! 

I own a Poe bobblehead.
Allegedly, a 64-year old fellow was working on his basement when he built a wall while standing on the wrong side of it, trapping himself in a subterraneous brick, door-less chamber. The incident, a la Edgar Allan's The Cask of Amontillado, has a happy ending.

The man weekended in the chamber until Monday, when he broke through another wall with a drill hammer into his neighbors' home... 


The nearby police station stated: "Whoops, you could say. He was on the wrong side of the wall when his work was finished." Whoops or WTF?

Suspicious components:
1. Who builds a solid wall to seal off a basement in the absence of a dead body?
2. Not breaking through the freshly built wall before the mortar dried
3. Conveniently, the man was armed with sustenance, a nice beir & vienerschnitzel no doubt
4. Breaking through into the neighbors' house instead of drilling into his own wall
5. Apparently, the man and his neighbors were prone to quibbling


This, on top of the fact, that in the ample time it takes to construct a wall, Herr Oblivious never realized his position in relation to the wall and self-corrected. 

Whether this was some sort of elaborate ruse to make headlines or piss off the neighbors or a drunken blunder, avoid becoming a statistic!


Don't be a DIY dimwit and subcontract out for any odd walls you want constructed.


















Saturday, November 20, 2010

Hermit Crabs Get a Shellacking (Odd Film)

If you haven't seen "Marcel the Shell with Shoes On", the brilliant short by director Dean Fleischer-Camp and comedian Jenny Slate, watch this video.





Hermit crabs have clearly been outdone by this shell creature in possession of a giant eye, endowed with the ability to talk and donning sneakers. My first thought is that Marcel would make an excellent pet, bumbling around your house muttering uplifting non-sequitors. On second thought, this might quickly grow old. 


I've had a few pet hermit crabs in my day. In college, I used to release my pet hermit crab in my dorm room to wander about the carpet and furniture. We would find him dumbstruck by a corner or creeping out from underneath a bed after a few hours (or in some cases, days). 


On one occasion, I managed to sneak a hermit crab on an airplane in the pocket of my sweater when flying from home back to school in Ohio - and this was post 9/11 travel so I consider it quite a feat. 


In one of my lower points in hermit crab pet ownership, my sister and I flattened a laptop screen, played electronic music, launched a screensaver of swirling colors and created a music video of the hermit crab dancing about the screen. Unfortunately, this footage was lost to a hard drive crash. 


Since, my hermit crabs have passed away and I've found more exciting ways to spend my time like, for example, hang gliding on a Dorito.



Friday, November 19, 2010

Oddly Enough

There's nothing like a good chunk o' oddity to buck up your day! If you relish the opportunity to cross paths with an off-the-beaten-path parcel of information - be it a news story, a word, a slice of history, a recipe - this blog will furnish you with fodder to satiate your appetite for the bizarre. 

Why discuss humdrum topics like the weather when you can bring up the twins who were airlifted out of the tiger exhibit at a zoo?
 

The aim of this blog is to catalog the unconventional features and happenings of our world. Ultimately, with the intent of providing you with mirth, a renewable energy to fuel your life.